Learning to live with the diagnosis of a mental illness
When a loved one is diagnosed with a mental illness, it can plunge the family into a new world with unknown rules, which can cause apprehension and concern. All family members will experience significant change and, for most, these changes will be perceived as negative, at least until the adjustment period is over. Adaptation is a natural phenomenon that all creatures in nature experience, including human beings. This phenomenon allows us to survive, but more importantly, it leads to the acquisition of new knowledge and skills. When we develop these skills, they become part of our tool kit for the rest of our lives. This is part of how we grow as individuals.
Adaptation requires us to go through a period of shock followed by mourning before we can integrate this new reality into our lives and find satisfaction in it. These processes resemble a spiral more than a straight line, and this is to be expected, especially when our loved one with mental illness relapses. The time it takes for each person to adapt varies from one individual to another. Despite the difficulties that we may encounter, all individuals have the ability to adapt. All we have to do is remain open to the experience, take action and resist fighting the new challenges we encounter.
Dealing with the shock
When first suffering a shock, we may feel unprepared, but the skills we have developed over the years will help us face this new challenge. We can also draw upon our support network, which is often much stronger than we think. Regardless of the context, we all react to crisis situations from a state of shock.
Our reactions often include the following:
- Narrowed attention span. We become fixated on finding a solution to the problem, without realizing that there is help available on the horizon.
- Decreased emotional relationships. We can feel alienated and alone. Relationships with the family become tense and mechanical.
- Loss of sense of identity. The person has difficulty defining themselves and their abilities. Past achievements are no longer a source of pride.
- Loss of sense of one’s social role. Performance at work, school and with loved ones decreases and becomes erratic.
- Loss of the notion of time. Remembering events in an altered way.
- Decreased ability to make decisions.
The person in distress unconsciously transmits signals that call for support from those around them. For example, they may appear sad and therefore elicit questions and comments.
When faced with the diagnosis of a mental illness, each member of the family and the person concerned will go through a period of shock. How long this period lasts will depend on each individual’s strengths and the impacts of the mental illness. When we see the impact of this shock and the decrease in the person’s ability to make decisions, we must admit that this is not a good time for long-term decision making. It is an important time to trust in others and accept the help we unconsciously asked for.
Things to remember
The real danger of a stressful event is seeking solutions that may be harmful to oneself, such as resorting to the use of chemical substances to find comfort, allowing oneself to be overwhelmed by the source of the stress or no longer trusting the skills of those around them to shoulder some of the burden.
